According to TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms, a non-profit organization dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.) there's an estimated 19 million Americans suffering with depression, two out of three never get the medical attention that they need, and often more times than not, this leads to suicide (twloha.com). I'm really sorry if you came to my blog today looking for the bubbly Reese Nicole. I promise, she'll be back tommorrow, I can wake you when she gets here but I'd like to take a second and be thankful for still having the most sacred of entities I'll ever posses.
Its been almost a year and half since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression. I can say I'm most unrecognizable by most nowadays. I'm doing fairly well, but I remember the times when I stayed near the darkness, never socialized, always slept, hated life and sometimes attempted to take it. You see, at the time the thing I didn't understand about my own depression was that I didn't control it. It was an energy wave, a cycle I had to learn to track. It swept into my life at the most unfortunate of times too. I feared being my own worst enemy. Everyday of happiness just meant one step closer to meeting an old bully.
Oh why hello Depression, I've been expecting you.
Please, come in, take a seat.
Would like some tea?
Not to be dramatic, but that's sort of how it went. I've spent the past year and a half working on doing everything I physically can to stay one step ahead of the game. Sometimes I slip up. I'm still learning. For me personally, the common denominator was eliminating as much negativity as possible from my life. Sure, I probably hurt some feelings, let some down or even given up parts of my life I sometimes wish I could revisit but in the end I'm a much happier person and its much more visible to notice when it hits because of this. Blogging has been such an amazing experience so far, a much needed outlet. I'm quiet bored of journals to be honest.
I have to remind myself however that there are plenty of other people not so fortunate and as someone who walks this dark path often, I know how hard it is to juggle a mental illness and keep a smile or go about one's daily business. So I pray for all those facing these demons, their families and loved ones. Its hard, I know, but after the rain, no matter how long it pours, the sun eventually appears. Today, lets celebrate that.